Diving in the Deep End – A Note to Self

It is 4am. I am sitting in my childhood bedroom of my family home in Melbourne, in which I have lived for the vast majority of my life. I have had enough caffeine to keep me awake until six, or later, because I am procrastinating from sleeping. Tomorrow (today), I shall return to my current university, for possibly the last time, to tell my tutor that I intend to drop out of the prestigious screenwriting course, for which I was selected out of a hundred applicants. It is a decision which terrifies me, but it was fear that lead me to apply for film school in the first place.

I recently completed an Arts degree, graduating with First Class Honours in Creative Writing, and a sub major in History. I applied for film school because I was afraid I would never have a career in literary fiction, believing the film and television industry to be a ‘safer’ option. But eight weeks at film school has shown me where my heart truly lies.

I am a prose fiction writer. I wrote a 15000 word thesis last year, which I didn’t think was possible for me to achieve. I have had a small taste at what it is like to write long form fiction, and now only want to plunge all my effort into other projects like this. I hope to return to my arts degree for postgraduate studies, but first I need to learn to stand on my own.

I am now entering a gap period of my life with only one plan: to write. I have already written one short story this year, and hope to write many more for potential publication. I also have two solid concepts for works of long form fiction which I hope to begin preparing for postgraduate studies or potential publication. A professional writer writes at least 1000 words a day, on average. While I will definitely not achieve this, it is this professional attitude I hope to aim for in this gap period of my life.

To keep myself on track and to make it easier to keep writing, I have started this blog. Aside from mundane thoughts and musings, I hope to use this space to set myself ‘assignments’, whether these be analyses of other works, or excerpts of some of my more experimental writing. This is what I shall aim for, until I can pursue postgraduate studies or seek publication. When I am not writing, I shall be researching relevant content for my postgraduate projects, and any other projects that I may be pursuing.

I came to film school because I was afraid of failing as a writer. Now, I stand face to face with that fear as I jump straight into the deep end of the ‘real world’, where I shall force myself to adapt and accept this inevitable failure and self-doubt, that must always precede success.

This blog is for me, before anyone else. I don’t know what is to become of it, what kind of readership it may attract, if any. But for now I am diving straight in, to see how long it takes me to sink or swim.